


Adventures in Babysitting

by We_Are_Legends



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Humor, M/M, NEWLY EDITED, Sabriel - Freeform, Tricksters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:25:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5885728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/We_Are_Legends/pseuds/We_Are_Legends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel has to babysit Lucifer’s kid for a while. Turns out, Luci’s kid is as much of a trickster as Gabriel and the proud uncle, of course, takes him under his wing.<br/>Also known as the time when Sam does a lot of sighing, Dean does a lot of swearing, Cas is still as oblivious as ever and Gabriel is a proud uncle.<br/>(now complete)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam later figures out he should have realised much earlier that something was off. At first, it was mostly subtle things, which the boys did not pay much attention to. Dean found buttons missing from his leather jacket, Sam’s hair conditioner was giving off a strong smell of strawberries and all the doors in the bunker had started squeaking.

However, the hunters soon realised that something was wrong when in the middle of a hunt, their guns started spouting out colourful soap bubbles instead of rock salt bullets. Even the ghost of the old woman, which they were hunting, stopped mid-howl and stared at the guns disbelievingly.

“Maybe you’ve bought the wrong bullets”, she suggested at the shocked hunters.

You knew that something was definitely wrong when even the monsters you are hunting start sympathizing with you.  

“I’ve always told my own kids to double-check the stuff they buy you know”, she continued, looking up at the hunters whose mouths were now hanging wide open. “But do they do it? NO!! AND NOW, BECAUSE OF THEM, I HAD TO SPEND MY OLD DAYS IN AN OLD TRAILER WHICH THEY GOT AT A GARAGE SALE AND -“

The rant of the ghost, which was steadily getting louder, was cut short by Dean who swung an iron shovel at her, effectively making her disappear.

“What the hell?”, muttered Dean looking at his gun as if seeing it for the first time.

 

From then on, things started getting even weirder, causing the hunters to become even more paranoid than usual and that was saying something, especially for the Winchesters.

The radio stations which always played classic rock were now blaring cheesy love songs non-stop and the showerhead started pouring out glitter after two minutes of hot water (the swearing which Sam heard coming from the bathroom had him in stitches but it was nothing as compared to when Dean came out of the bathroom, covered in glitter from head to toe.)

The final straw came when all of Sam’s internet searches started going to the website _bustyasianbeauties.com_ , no matter what he typed in the search bar.

In Sam’s opinion, it was among the most sacrilegious things that ever happened to him.

 

“So you want to perform one of the most dangerous invoking spells that ever exist because someone is messing with your internet browsing?”, asked Castiel, after the hunter had called him in despair.

Sam would have taken the time to appreciate that Castiel had finally gotten the hang of human expressions if not for the fact that the latter was currently looking at him as if he was mentally unhinged.

“Yes…I mean no but -”

“Sam”, interrupted Dean who was immensely enjoying his brother’s annoyance. He had managed to get most of the glitter off his skin using a scrub brush but the glitter in his hair remained unmovable, and if he was suffering, there’s no reason why his brother shouldn’t either.

“There’s no need to be such a _girl_ about this.”

As if on cue, Dean poofed into a purple smoke and turned into a -

“OH YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME”

Standing in Dean’s place was now a tall olive-skinned woman, dressed in a skimpy outfit, which did little to cover up her huge bust.

Sam’s mouth fell open and Castiel blinked once, a strange expression passing over his usually impassive face.

The two brothers stared at each other and appeared to hit the same realization at the same time.

“GABRIEL”, Sam yelled and half a second later, the trickster appeared, cackling madly.

“You called?”, he simpered and wolf-whistled when he saw Dean.

“Fix this NOW”, growled Dean, pointing at the huge boobs attached to him.

“You sure about this?”, grinned Gabriel pulling out a lollipop. “You might want to try those on my brother.”

“Gabe”, sighed Sam, noticing that Dean appeared seconds away from having a cardiac arrest. “Can you please fix it?”

“Would have done so if I could kiddo. However only the one responsible for these tricks can alter them. Sorry”, said Gabriel, not looking sorry at all.

“What do you mean _the one responsible_? Do we have another trickster on our hands?”, frowned Dean.

“Yep”, replied Gabriel grinning. “He’s a bit green but hell, he’ll give me a run for my money in a few years.”

“Gabriel”, Sam interrupted his mate, looking intrigued. “ _Who_ are you talking about?”

“Why Damian of course”, he replied, laughing as a look of horror passed on the hunter’s face.

“I’m babysitting him while Luci’s busy doing Dad knows what. And for a whole week too. Isn’t that  _marvelous_?”

Both Sam and Dean groaned audibly.

 

Damian was Lucifer’s kid and he not only had the powers of his father but also the humor of his uncle; and that was without doubt the most terrible combination in the history of terrible combinations. Sam and Dean had been initially shocked to hear that Satan had a child.

_“Wait a sec. Who’s the mother?”, Dean had asked incredulously._

_“Angels are sexless dumbass. We don’t need a woman to have a child”,_ had replied Gabriel before turning to Sam and waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Sam had immediately turned a deep shade of red and Dean had classified this piece of interaction into the ‘Yet another info which he really did not need to know about his brother’s sex life’ category. It appeared that this list has been growing exponentially ever since Gabriel had joined up their team a few months back.

The brothers’ past interactions with Damian had been quite memorable if not to say traumatising. When the angel was still a fledgling, Sam had once returned to the bunker to find Dean stuck on a cabinet that was surrounded by lions, after the latter had let the kid watched The Lion King.  Damian had been sitting quite comfortably among the lions, occasionally blowing a raspberry at Dean who was letting out terrified shrieks. _(“Manly shouts Sam, not girlish shrieks”)._

Gabriel had of course found the whole affair completely hilarious. He suggested to Damian in a not so quiet voice to “add a few hyenas next time. I hear they can be quite men-eaters.” _(“Oh lighten up Samalam. It would have been priceless if Dean had managed to survive the apocalypse only to get eaten by a hyena in his living room.”)_

 

“If you are supposed to babysit him, where is he?”, Sam asked his mate looking around the motel room. If he had learned anything from his past babysitting experiences, it was that it was always a bad idea to leave Satan’s child to his own devises.

“Oh, I don’t know”, replied Gabriel nonchalantly picking at his nails. “He was saying something about a car before disappearing.”

It took Dean a few moments to realise what the trickster was implying.

“Sonofabitch”, growled Dean dashing outside and barely seconds later, they heard a shout of anguish. Looking at Gabriel who had his most innocent face on, Sam followed the steps of his brother but immediately stopped in his tracks in front of the sight that was awaiting him.

Every inch of the Impala was covered in a fluffy hot pink material, with enormous Hello Kitty ears perched on top. The interior of the Impala was not much different and Sam could see that the back seat of the car was overflowing with tiny princess dolls and – _good lord was that an inflatable dollhouse?_

Dean appeared to be on the verge of a panic attack and clasped the hood of the car, desperately grasping for air. Right on cue, a large baby blue teddy bear behind the wheel started singing,

“ _If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.”_  Sam turned to look at Gabriel who was failing miserably in his attempts to hide his laughter.

 _“If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.”_  Castiel took a step forward and perched his head on one side, a look of contemplation on his face. Sam swore that if the latter asked why the bear was telling them to clap their hands, he would punch him in his face.

 _“If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it…”_ Dean’s face was quickly turning from crimson to white and he slowly slid down from the hood of the Impala, whimpering weakly.

A loud crack sounded behind them and Sam turned to see that Damian had finally appeared with a shit-eating grin on his face, which was startlingly similar to that of Gabriel.

“Hey guys”, he grinned at them. “What’s up?”

“Damian”, started Sam slowly as if afraid to piss off Satan’s only child. “Can you please turn Dean and the Impala back to their normal selves?”

“Why?”, he asked cocking his head to one side, smirking. “I thought they were a good match.”

Sam sighed and closed his eyes. _Trust Gabriel to teach the kid how to create as much chaos as possible._

“Hey I didn’t teach him that!”, protested Gabriel, as he read his mate’s mind. “He’s a natural one”, he added smiling proudly down at Damian, who beamed back at him.

“Damy”, he continued, “I think it’s better to turn things back to normal now, don’t you? After all we don’t want to have to explain to Michael why we had to bring Dean Winchester back from the dead.”

Damian rolled his eyes and snapped, returning the Impala back to his former glory and Dean back to his body. The latter moaned and climbing back to his feet, he threw himself across the hood of the car murmuring “I’m so sorry baby. Never again I promise you.”

Cas stood next to the Impala looking awkward and Damian’s eyes moved from Dean to Cas, a contemplative glint appearing in his eyes.

“Hell no”, said Sam recognizing that look. Gabriel threw an arm around his mate’s shoulder and murmured, “Don’t worry. Dad knows maybe he’ll succeed where even my genius has failed.”

They watched Dean who was still mooning over his car like a lovesick teenager and Cas who was watching him closely.

Sam sighed again and looking down at his mate, he said, “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“Absolutely “, replied Gabriel grinning. “I guarantee you that in no time at all, they’ll be going at it like rabbits.”

“I so did not need that mental image”, groaned Sam and a few meters away, they heard Castiel say, “I don’t understand. Why do we have to strike our hands violently together if we’re happy?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian starts on his plans to get Dean and Cas together but everything does not go accordingly.  
> Also known as the time when Satan's child uses his powers for "the greater good", Sam becomes paranoid, Dean and Cas are oblivious and Gabriel is still a proud uncle.

The following days found the hunters constantly on edge. Damian could be a perfectly sweet kid at one moment and turn into a murderous trickster the next. Gabriel proudly flaunted this behaviour as his own achievement, leaving the two humans to wonder whether the kid would be left with a personality disorder or not.

Damian seemed to have taken the task of getting Dean and Cas together (or in Gabriel’s words, _“Pulling the heads of these two ostriches out of their arses.”_ ) as a personal challenge.

Sam was quite relieved to be off the radar of the small angel, even if it meant that the latter’s whole attention would be focussed on his brother.

Little did he know that it would not be the case.

And soon enough-

“It was a means to an end Sammich”, said Gabriel sheepishly as Sam pulled out dried candle wax from his hair and ignored the archangel. It was hurting like hell but there was no way he was going to ask his mate for help.

 “It was for the greater good”, persisted Gabriel, winding up his arms around the hunter’s waist when the latter still refused to talk to him.

Gabriel sighed and snapping his fingers, all the wax disappeared and Sam let out a relieved breath; not that he was forgiving the archangel for what happened.

Damian had taken the oldest trick in the book and had prepared a romantic setting for Dean and Castiel. ( _In the humans’ book of course if Sam went by his own experience of the time when Gabriel was courting him. Sam had often found himself waking up in the most unexpected places and time periods, like at the top of the Golden Gate Bridge, or even most memorably the time when he woke up in only his boxers on the stage of the original Woodstock music festival, causing Jimi Hendrix to freak out and some drugged spectators to shout at ecstasy at what they believed to be the second coming of Jesus. Needless to say that Gabriel had found the whole thing absolutely hilarious.)_

Damian had snapped up a great dinner and even went at great lengths to create a power failure in the whole bunker so that he could get candles everywhere. The fact that he had inherited an archangel’s powers meant that he went the extra length to make things steamier and got most of the candles floating in the air à la Hogwarts’ Halloween decorations. It would have been perfect except for one tiny detail.

It seemed that Damian had not hung the candles high enough as Sam would discover when he walked straight into a lit candle, causing his hair to catch fire. His attempts to escape the fire only caused him further pain when he ran straight into huge floating candelabra whose candles’ wax poured right down on his head, adding even more fuel to the fire.

Gabriel immediately appeared a worried look on his face, when he felt his mate’s distress and put out the fire with a snap. The fire had not caused much damage, but the wax which was rapidly cooling off gave Sam the appearance of an unruly bear who got its head stuck in a tree trunk when looking for honey. Sam stormed off to the bathroom after Gabriel collapsed on the couch laughing hysterically with tears streaming down his face. Damian had clearly forgotten about Sam’s height, which dwarfed everyone else in the bunker.

“He had forgotten that a skyscraper also lived here”, Gabriel murmured into the hunter’s neck. Sam huffed and finally turning around, he said, “Well, I guess it’s lucky then that I love his uncle so much.”

Gabriel grinned and waggling his eyebrows, he asked, “Want to remind me again?”

When the hunter and the archangel finally walked out of the bathroom looking completely dishevelled, they saw that the power had been restored to the bunker and all the candles had disappeared. Next to Sam’s laptop was a Chicken Caesar salad and a mango smoothie; clearly an apology for what had happened.

“See”, grinned Gabriel, looking at his mate. “Perfectly charming, just like his uncle.”

Sam rolled his eyes but ate the salad anyways, hoping that whatever Damian had planned next for his brother would be less cataclysmic for his own health.

 

The next day, Sam and Dean went to investigate a case where an elderly couple swear that they saw Jesus killing their neighbor _(Yeah it was him all right, with the beard and the sandals…No, we are not on medication. Why are you asking?”)_ while Gabriel stayed at the bunker with Damian, who was now at his wits’ end.

“It’s just not working”, he groaned into a cushion while Gabriel sat next to him popping smarties in his mouth.

“I’ve never seen two beings who could be so damn blind”, he continued burying his head further into the couch.

“Tell me about it”, muttered Gabriel remembering his own failure at the time when he was trying to get the Winchesters to become the bitches of his brothers.

“This morning, I tried electrocuting Dean with the coffeemaker so that Castiel could save him and they would kiss. But turns out, it was Sam’s turn to make coffee. It was quite funny to watch though.”

On hearing these words, Gabriel choked and looked down at his nephew incredulously. No wonder, Sam had been in such a bad mood before he left.

“You know”, Gabriel suggested as he snapped up a milkshake. “Maybe you’re trying too hard. Try going for something simpler.” _And something that won’t make my mate dump my ass after I revive him from a prank gone wrong_ , he added silently.

“Like what?”, Damian asked looking up hopefully at Gabriel.

“Have you try a love poem?”, the archangel asked and smiled when he saw the kid brighten up.

“Of course!! That’s an amazing idea. I’ll go write one immediately”, he announced jumping up from the couch.

“That’s not what I-“, Gabriel started saying but the angel had already disappeared.

Gabriel sighed and disappeared in turn as he went to find his mate to make up for that morning’s mishap. (The fact that Dean squeaked like a rat when he appeared out of thin air on the backseat of the Impala was only an added bonus to what Gabriel knew was coming for the older hunter, courtesy of Damian)

 

Sam knew that something was brewing up from Gabriel’s excitement but most worryingly from Damian’s disappearance. When the hunters had asked about the angel’s whereabouts, Gabriel had simply shrugged and said something about “finding inspiration”; whatever that meant. Dean and Cas went about their lives, blissfully unaware of Damian’s plan while Sam found himself becoming even more paranoid. So far, he had been the accidental victim in all of Damian’s plans and he even started wishing for the old good days when all he had to be worried about was the apocalypse.

When a cheerful Damian finally reappeared the next morning during breakfast, Sam immediately became alert. His sense of foreboding grew when he saw Damian winking at his uncle and the latter grinning at him. _What the hell have they planned?_

Dean who was unaware of this interaction continued gulping down his pancakes, his eyes scanning the morning paper for potential cases. Moments later, Castiel appeared with a bright pink paper in his hand, looking mildly confused.

“Hey Cas”, said Dean turning over the newspaper.

“Dean”, Castiel replied cocking his head to one side. “I don’t understand. Why do you want to eat me?”

Dean’s plate fell to the floor in a deafening crash that echoed throughout the bunker, but no one paid any attention to it. Sam and Gabriel had their mouths hanging wide open in shock, Damian had a proud smile on his face, Cas looked at Dean still confused while a blush spread on the latter’s face.

“What?”, he asked weakly looking up at the angel.

“You said so in this letter.”, Castiel replied, oblivious to the varying reactions around him.

Dean snatched up the letter and perused it silently, his eyes growing wider with every word he read.

 

**_Dear Castiel,_ **

**_You are the sugar in my pie,_ **

**_The ham in my burger,_ **

**_The cheese in my pizza,_ **

**_I am so drunk in your love that you must be the drink of my dreams._ **

**_Dean_ **

 

“I don’t understand”, Castiel continued, “Is it a human practice to compare your soulmate to food condiments?”

“What!!”, Dean blurted out, staring at the angel as if seeing him for the first time.

“You…you love me?”, he asked blinking slowly.

“Of course”, Castiel replied frowning slightly. “You didn’t know?”

Dean stared at him, clearly at a loss for words.

Gabriel groaned loudly and muttered, “Mutton heads” under his breath.

"What exactly did you think my brother's hand print on your arm was?", Gabriel continued, raising an eyebrow. "Or maybe it would have been more obvious if he had marked you in a more fun place like I did with your brother"

Sam's face became red and ignoring the archangel's  delighted laugh at his embarrassment, he turned to Damian and murmured, “You wrote that poem?”

“Yep. Every single word.”, Damian replied proudly.

Gabriel snorted and whispered loudly to Cas,

“That’s your cue to kiss him bucko.”

Dean’s eyes, if possible, became even wider while Cas looked at him thoughtfully before grabbing the hunter and kissed him on his lips. Dean’s arms flailed wildly before finally settling on the angel’s hips and responded by deepening the kiss.

Around them, Dean could hear wolf-whistles and whoops, and he grinned into the kiss. He would have time to get back at them for what they must have been planning, but for now, at long last, he had his angel and that’s all that mattered.

The thought had barely passed through his head when he heard a loud snap, and a huge commotion started around them. Dean and Cas broke apart and stared around them in disbelief . Damian had snapped up an explosion of streamers, balloons and confetti which were pouring all over them while naked cupids appeared out of thin air, filling the bunker with their deafening love songs. The only ones reacting to this chaos was Damian, who was now flying around them in glee.

“I DID IT!!”, he shouted over and over again.

“They grow up so fast”, sniffed Gabriel before catching the small angel in his arms.

“My baby”, continued Gabriel hugging Damian, who groaned loudly.

“Too good for this world-“

_“Don’t”_

“-too pure”

“GABRIEL”, boomed a voice behind them.  They all turned around and found themselves face to face with the devil himself, who had an eyebrow raised. All the cupids immediately disappeared with terrified looks on their faces and the loud noise finally stopped.

“Can I know exactly why you’re corrupting my child?”

“DAD!”, shouted Damian flying straight to his father. Lucifer caught him mid-air in one arm and looked down at him smiling.

“Had fun?”, he asked to the excited angel.

“Hell yeah! You won’t believe what I did. I finally got them together”, he said excitedly pointing at Dean and Cas.

“Did you now?”, Lucifer smirked at the newly formed couple.

“Yep. And now you owe me five bucks!!”

Dean’s mouth fell open again and he spluttered, “Wait what??”

Gabriel snickered and replied, “What did you think bucko? The whole of heaven had bets going on about this. The last time there was such frenzy about something was when I got Michael drunk on Norse ale.”

Dean opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish but no sound came out. Lucifer gave him a smug look before turning back to his son, “Well, time to go.”

“Dad wait. Can I stay longer?”, Damian asked looking at his father hopefully.

While a look of horror passed on the hunters’ face, Gabriel lit up and added, “Yeah, I’ve still got some bastards to take care of in the Congress. Maybe you can help.”

Lucifer glanced at the hunters who were now looking at him with a faint look of despair and replied amusedly, “I don’t see why not.”

 

After that, it didn’t take long for Cas and Dean to disappear for a “very very long vacation”. Sam took a book and tried to ignore the conversation that was going on between Gabriel and Damian but occasionally he could hear words like “dodo resurrection” and “cannibalism” filtering through.

 

Yep, there was absolutely no doubt that Team Free Will had the most eccentric family that could ever exist.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loved it? Hated it? Tell me in the comments below :)
> 
> And don't forget to come and chat on Tumblr: http://we-are-living-legends.tumblr.com/
> 
> This chapter was unbetaed so forgive me for any typos that went unnoticed.


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